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Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Open Letter to Republican Senators

March 11, 2015
R C Larlham, Citizen
State of Michigan, USA

An Open Letter to my Republican and TEA Party antagonists in the United States Senate Who Signed an Open Letter to Iran:

It has come to my attention that you believe you are qualified to give crash courses in the United States Constitution to all and sundry in general and to the leaders and negotiators of Iran (a sovereign country, in case you missed that) in particular. It has been noticed that you chose to do so in the guise of an absurdly condescending “open letter” to Iran that warned them you could blow up any agreement they made with President Obama (and the five other nations you forgot about) regarding Iran’s nuclear capability any time you chose. It has also been noticed that you wrote and published that letter at nearly the end of negotiations regarding militarizing Iran’s said nuclear capability.

First, let me assure you that this particular stunt was the most asinine thing the Republicans in Congress have done since the 2008 election, and your entire six years since then has been one long run of obstructive asininity. But this one takes the cake... takes it, eats it, buries the knife, fork and plate and denies it’s them on the security cam. You have outdone yourselves, so there’s that.  

Now, let me address the blowback. First, Iran dismissed your missive as a propaganda publicity stunt, after which they pointed out your error in describing your role in negotiating treaties, arms limits and such. How embarrassing was that? Second, the senators who didn’t sign began explaining why. There were a lot of words, but they all came down to one thing... they thought the letter was a stupid idea, and that your approach was dangerous now and in the future.

Then some of the signers weighed in. The first explanation was, “We’re just tryna help, ‘cause they might not know how our government is set up.” No you weren’t. No one, including you, thinks Iran doesn’t know enough about the US government’s structure to be able to negotiate a weapons limit without your “help.” So OK, that one landed with a thud. Your next explanation was that it “...wasn’t technically interference in the negotiations because it was an open letter.” Please point to the person we should slap for giving voice to that bit of nitwittery. Next came the “We were just trying to be a bit cheeky,” defense. There were only two things wrong with that: 1) We’re not British! We don’t do “cheeky.” And b) “cheeky” is not found in any dictionary or thesaurus as a synonym for “stupid,” which would have been the correct word. 

A-a-and most recently you served up the blivit that it’s the President’s fault you wrote and signed that letter. Say what

What’s a blivit? Three pounds of an obnoxious substance in a two-pound bag.

As long as we're here, let’s take this opportunity to do a little teaching, shall we? Diplomacy is the art of talking to your enemies and coming to an agreement that keeps your children alive. War is the admission that diplomacy has failed. I used to be the sharp end of that stick (I’m pretty sure no more than two or three of you were, and that none of your children served in dangerous places), and watching you demand that we issue ultimatums (you must be willing to carry out the threat, you know) is more than a little sickening.

So, I have some advice for you... shut up! Don’t apologize, don’t explain, in fact, don’t say another freakin’ word. There is nothing you can say that won’t make this worse.

Thanx for reading:

/s/R C Larlham